Old Cars & A Bunch a Rocks

This is why I don’t blog. It’s 2019, and I still haven’t posted all the photos from Pete’s birthday trip. We’re nearing the end… hopefully I get through it all before his next birthday!

Carhenge was really special actually! When we first met (4+ years ago) he asked the receptionist at his hotel (or a waitress? or random person?) what fun things there are to do in Nebraska, and they said to visit Carhenge! It’s like Stonehenge, but made of cars, and it’s only about a 5 hour drive…..but at that point he hadn’t acclimated to midwestern temperament for drive times, so he passed.

I was really excited to revisit Carhenge – the last time I was in the area (Alliance, NE) was for a nonprofit art project. My university’s art club teamed with a child advocacy organization and we painted a mural in their headquarters. Obviously – when in Rome – we had to visit the cars just outside the city. Pete was a sport and let me recreate some of the photos I took the first time I’d visited.

Cool didjaknow – Carhenge actually aligns with it’s inspiration – Stonehenge! A few years back we had that massive solar eclipse? Yeah it lined up perfectly with Carhenge and Stonehenge (though the creator says that wasn’t even a deliberate thing??? which is much weirder so I don’t even know).

This far out in western Nebraska we made sure to see what my family calls the “big bunch of rocks.” But if you’re into history.. it’s still sorta cool. These were the milestones that people trekked months to see. The Organ Trail and the Mormon trail are still visible to this day – granted they just look like slashes in the grass….but thats years worth of hundreds of families enduring hardship looking for a better life. Maybe I seem a little intense writing this…. but my country only has like a bicentennial worth of history, and the fact that you can still see wagon wheel tracks etched into the dirt is pretty cool.

Pictured here is Scotts Bluff, Chimney Rock, and Court & Jailhouse Rocks.

I definitely hope that Pete got something out of this trip – we’ve done a ton of touristy stuff so far throughout our relationship so I really hope he enjoyed it…but to be totally honest these were some location I wanted to check off of my bucket-list.

Anyway I feel really lucky I’ve found someone that’s happy to clear their schedule so they can drive off into the dusty sunset with me, just to look at a bunch of rocks.

…to be continued

SPARE Time…

Today was the day we finally made it back to Nebraska! But we missed our turn and took the wrong highway so we got a really good look at the Wyoming country side.

Take a look at the highway though… where one state’s maintenance ends and the next starts? Does it look like the promised land to you? Because it did to us (no offense Wyoming but sheesh).

Not sure if I’m supposed to disclose this, but I’m super proud of the fact that Pete got to experience standing in one state and pee in another. Hashtag goals.

So anyway, we missed our turn to get back into Nebraska so we spent the whole afternoon with our time riding along the uh, very exciting… Wyoming border… slipped right on past Fort Rob racing the sunset, got about one mile away from Toadstool Park where our next campground would be……but didn’t quite make it.

We were deflated. 

You could say we were tired.

It’s a good thing we spared enough time to take care of it before the sun did actually set….. no pressure. 

Having to fix a tire in the middle of Nebraska summer was complete rubberish. 

Toadstool park is a lot like the Badlands in South Dakota, and actually the earth system connects so technically it’s part of the Nebraska Badlands. It had a completely different feeling to it though. The “big” badlands in South Dakota were hot and sharp and abrasive. It was so beautiful there, but it felt dangerous.

Toadstool park seemed friendlier somehow.

I’m sure Toadstool park is just as dangerous. There is a risk of rattlesnake, falling down a deep ridge or rockslide. Collapses happen. Ankles get twisted. Maybe it’s because the weather was milder these days, but this place felt like it was happy to welcome us instead of telling us to watch our step.

To be continued…

 

Devils, Aliens, & Giants

Pete’s Dirty 30 was designed to be pretty rough, but halfway through South Dakota we came upon Sturgis and decided to book an actual motel with real electricity, a hot shower, and a bed with real sheets.

At this point he still didn’t know where we were headed yet, but I was completely delighted to find a ginormous hint posted on the wall of our room. There were also maps of highways and destinations all over this little motel though, so it didn’t take too long for him to discover where we were headed next.

 

Devils Tower

If Pete were paying attention at Crazy Horse, there was a series of legends collected from different Native American tribes depicting how Devil’s Tower was created. Most stories include some children getting lost and being chased by a giant bear, only for the earth itself to raise them up to the heavens for safety. The ridges scored into the side of the ‘mountain’ come from the claws of the giant bear, and the original name of the structure meant something like “Bear’s Lodge,” or “Home of the Bear.”

 

It’s a sacred place to Native people that live near or visit the land, and if you pay attention the wind will catch items representing prayers in the trees. There were ribbons, bits of cloth, strings and even jewelry, but we were careful not to touch anything… except for a key we found when Pete went to climb a bit of the mountain.

 

A key was hidden underneath a loose rock that gave way. Pete went right to it like he knew where it was… but it was just guarded by a giant grasshopper. We put it back if anyone else wants to hike around and try and find it, lol.

When I first went to visit Pete he took me up the northern coast to visit the Giants Causeway and he taught me all about the legend of Finn McCool, so it was really cool to visit the home of the giant bear from my country. Plus we watched Close Encounters of the Third Kind while he was here and that was a hoot. Game and Parks gave us little envelopes to “catch aliens” on our hike….which were invasive plants that blow in and take over.

…it’s only just now occurring to me that I’ve been conned into literally weeding for the federal government… a step up I guess from my grandma’s “garden parties.”

…to be continued..

Bad to the Bone – Day 6

We made it to the Badlands JUST as the sun was setting, and let me tell you… seeing the sky turn pinks and purples over just how vast the badlands really are… this might have been the most breathtakingly beautiful place I’ve ever been my whole life. I’ve never seen anything like it. This was the type of beauty that makes a person feel small, like standing at the edge of the world. Pictures don’t do it justice.

The National Grasslands that surround the Badlands are protected, so the wildlife that lives there really aren’t that afraid of cars driving past. Plus, all of the cars were just as starstruck as we were, so traffic always slowed to a crawl to admire the ‘locals.’ We spend so much time hurrying in our daily lives, but out here there’s few signs of industrialized life, and certainly no cell service. It was soul enriching just to unplug for a while.

We made it to our campsite with the sun setting faster than we could set up our tent. There were about 12 other campers set up all rounded up into a circle, so we followed suit. Good thing,  because you couldn’t tell in the dark but the center of the camp circle was housed by a prairie dog village!

It was. So. Quiet. Not sure if it was peaceful or eerie – normally when there’s people around there’s noise. After admiring how bright the stars were out here, we drifted off to sleep only to be awoken in the middle of the night by the most bizarre sounds. Stomping? Snorting? Munching. Steps and breathing that obviously belonged to a very large animal. Animals.

The moon was bright enough that we could see the buffalo casually walk right through our camp. Buffalo are peaceful, but wildly dangerous if they were to stampede or charge. We don’t know what time it was since we were too nervous to turn on a flashlight or a phone to see a clock. We didn’t move or speak or breath because what if it startled the nearest buffalo, causing a chain reaction.

I have to wonder how intelligent they are. One came right up to our tent to look in at us through the screen window, nudged its horn at our tent, and tore up some grass to snack on. A baby snuck up to nibble our chairs I forgot to put away, and then spaz-frolicked away.

It was such an honor, and such an adrenaline rush to be in the presence of these huge creatures. So many of them. When dawn came they had loosely surrounded our camp. One by one the other people slowly, quietly creeped over to the outhouse, careful not to startle our guests. Or hosts, really.

This night, the evening of Pete’s actual birthday, was my favorite of the whole trip.

As the sun rose and morning took, the buffalo just sorta drifted away and passed us by. As soon as they were far enough away to seem smaller, us and the other campers started moving to pack up.

Today’s mission would be hiking the Badlands.

Turns out, I’m afraid of heights. If you would have asked me before, I would have said pshh.  Ask me again at the top of a cliff, where the ground crumbles a tiny bit every step you take, when everything is hot and sharp and steep, and probably home to a nest of rattlesnakes.

Why is it called the Badlands?

The original name for the area literally translates to “land that is bad.” When people explored this area (and I cannot express to you how truly vast it is…) it would be very difficult to safely move forward. You’re at the mercy of the elements, nothing seems to grow for food or shelter, hunting would be a trick, and don’t trip.

The outlaws were also known to hideout in the depths of the Badlands as well, because what sheriff is going to chase them safely into that labyrinth?

My advice? Be respectful of your surroundings. Don’t get cocky. Bring twice as much water as you think you need. And as always, constant vigilance.

Some places make you feel small. Like a single drop in the entire ocean. The world, the universe is so big, and there is so much to explore and see and learn. It’s so exhilarating to get to be a part of it all, and I feel so lucky to have someone to stand at the edge of the world with me.

To be continued…

 

Bad Rushing… Day 5 Continued

Okay I told Pete we weren’t rushing today… but then again it would be pretty important to get to our next site before sunset.

We made some friends in Custer that said, “OH if you’re doing the tourist thing, you have to visit Wall Drug! You know, the billboards?!” We didn’t, lol. One of those remarkable phenomenons where you don’t notice something until you’ve been made aware of it, and then start seeing it everywhere!  I can’t believe we didn’t take any photos of the billboards we passed along the way, but they were magical. All I can really say is, keep an eye out for signs saying “Wall Drug – Free Water – XX Miles away!” And if you have the time, follow them. Totally worth it.

It’s really hard to describe what Wall Drug store even was. A tourist attraction? A restaurant? A gift shop? A museum?

This day landed on Pete’s actual birthday! I managed to surprise him on the river with chocolate cupcakes in place of a birthday cake, but I didn’t have an actual cake lined up for the actual day. I tried, but panning this trip without a few hiccups wasn’t going to happen. Honestly, it was just as well though because we were well into our holiday and had overindulged in sweets a long time ago.

In place of a surprise cake, he got a gravy drenched roast beef sandwich and mashed potatoes… what could possibly be more surprising than that?

To be continued…

Rush Rushin’ Around – Day 5

Told Pete to expect to RUSH today… he knows I can be terrible at time management, so he wasn’t surprised when we packed up as quick as we could and threw our stuff in the car… only to calmly drive away at the regular speed limit.

We weren’t in a hurry! We were going to Mount Rushmore! Surprise!

Compared to Crazy Horse yesterday, Mt Rushmore had a whiplash level different vibe. Even though it wasn’t  busy time of year, there were so many more people crowding for photos than Crazy Horse. The history was structured so patriotically, which is understandable as it’s one of the great icons of the United States.

A super cool place to visit, and something I’ve always wanted to check off my bucket list. Plus, the architect’s family can be connected to Nebraska!

 

You can only be the tourist for so long until your brain starts to melt. We commemorated our trip with a drink and OUR FIRST ice cream cone as a couple?! And an ugly face competition that somehow I only took part in.. Bae left me hangin…

 

To be continued…

Needles to Say – Day 4 Continued

See what I did there? Needles to say….? Get it! Nevermind.

I have always wanted to visit the famous Needles Highway. It’s said to be one of the most beautiful roads in the entire world, and for good reason. It took us forever to find our direction and get to the iconic “spires,” because every few feet we drove I felt this overwhelming urge to stop and get out to explore again.

We stumbled onto THIS beauty not having researched it at all. This is sylvan lake… apparently a well-known spot for family vacations among my friends. This was by far the most rewarding place to impulsively park illegally and go hiking.

I feel so lucky to have someone that I can spend days in confined spaces with – cars and tents. Someone to spend hours with deciding to learn about geology or history or architecture with. Tours and museums. But also someone that will jump and play and climb rocks with me. I feel just like a kid.

Found Needles lookout point finally! “Found,” as if we weren’t just following the highway they would inevitably get us there… but I think it probably took us 2 hours from the base to finally cross the 20 miles of irresistible pockets to explore.

The goal was to find that horrible adrenaline filled tunnel to drive through, and then hike the Cathedral Spires trail. We didn’t hike the whole length of the trail because it was finally getting dark, and I didn’t want to gamble a twisted ankle on the side of a mountain cliff in the dark. However, we’re pretty sure that we actually may have went off trail so far at the top that we had actually crossed over into spire trail territory by pure chance.

To be continued…

Tiny Bit Crazy – Day 4

This morning we woke up in a Tiny House, but that was the last thing that was tiny about today. Time to see something big.

The Crazy Horse Memorial was much much larger than I thought it would be. The museum portion was very cool, and it was very impacting to learn about the history of why it was built.

Crazy Horse was built to commemorate a great Lakota chief after the Treaties were broken  by the United States government at the expense of the Native Americans. In response to Mt Rushmore being built, the tribes wanted to state they had great heroes as well. The monument shares a message of hope and reconciliation, and new projects are being taken under to further preserve culture and education; such as a university, new cultural centers and exhibits, and perhaps a hospital.

My grandparents visited the memorial 30 some years ago, when they were just barely getting started blasting around the face. Now the face is DONE! Pete & I decided to plan a trip to return in another 30 years (for his 60th birthday), to see how far they’ve gotten by then.

Crazy Horse is currently the largest sculpture in the world, and the entire establishment is carried out on a 100% non-profit basis.

To Be Continued…

Feelin’ Windy – Day 3

Today we packed up our campsite and raced the rainclouds closing in. I swear you can learn a lot of about a person’s communication skills when you’re trying to pack a loaded car, fold up a tent, and not quite be faster than the rain drops falling. I am amazed by his efficiency and patience with my “helping.” Either we work extremely well together, or he has the best poker face I’ve ever seen my entire life; win/win either way.

A reminder, Pete didn’t know what our next location would be until we got there. I gave him a vague itinerary with clues on it, and today’s clue was “windy” and I tossed him a can of beans to cook over the fire – my attempt of misdirected humor I was very proud of.

Our actual destination was Wind Cave National Park, and to get there we had to drive through the South Dakota grasslands. These was a reserve for wildlife, and we got our first siting of real buffalo doing buffalo things!

 

 

We were so excited to see them “up close” right near the road (wait til you hear how close we would actually see them later on during this trip…), and a few spottings of prairie dog villages! …turns out though, when a buffalo flops to the ground and rolls in the dirt, it’s agitated and may or may not decide to attack you soon. NEVER approach a buffalo. They’re beautiful peaceful giants, but could also totally disembowel you and then trample you to bits. Cool!

If you’ve ever tried to text me while Pete and I are in the same country, you’ll know I’m pretty hard to get a hold of. True to habit, upon arriving at Wind Cave my phone promptly died, thus I didn’t get many photos here.

At some point, we became “cave people.” I’ve always been interested in earth science and natural history, but never really sought it out. So far together we’ve visited the Marble Arch caves in Northern Ireland, swam through Rio Secreto and other cenotés in the Yucatan area of Mexico, toured the Scotia Chalk mines in Nebraska, the stone-quarries and catacombs of Paris, and now the Wind Caves in South Dakota.

These were unique because of the box-formation that happened in the stone because of the limestone situation in the Black Hills, if you’re curious about that sort of thing. Air moves through the tunnels as if it were actually breathing. Various Native American tribes knew of it as a sacred place that either tells the story of the creation of mankind, or a passage to and from the afterlife.

 

 

That evening we made it to Custer for dinner and drinks, and our accommodations for the night! Not another campsite, but a tiny house!

To be continued…

Dirty 30 – You’re My Valentine

The next morning our friends and us woke up and had a nice breakfast by campfire; beans, coffee, and a bacon competition (that ironically didn’t involve pork at all… a friend brought beef bacon, and I brought turkey). It was a nice lazy morning and everyone slowly rolled out. Very slowly for a couple who lost their keys in the river, haha! Safe to say it was an adventure for more than just Pete.

When it was just us two, we explored Valentine, Nebraska. All of the street signs have little hearts on them (and I didn’t make a single cheesy joke… land of missed opportunities).

I told Pete this was our one day that we didn’t really have any huge plans or itinerary, so we just kicked it really. We lazed around our campground, got him a Runza sandwich, and found a hiking trail to visit Smith Falls again.

 

Look close… we found bigfoot creepin in the distance…

 

We found a couple historic bridges. One had one some construction awards when it was built, which made his engineer brain light up. The other replaced a historic railroad that crosses the Niobrara River. It’s actually part of the Cowboy Trail, and crosses the whole state, and later on our trip we actually found ourselves driving next to it for miles! Apparently hardcore bikers (the bicycle kind) will ride across the state like no big deal.

Special thanks to Nebraska Jaycee’s State President & Vice President, Tiffany and Codie. We got lost (Yes. In Valentine.) looking for how to access that bridge, and they were just a text and a phone-call away to get us on track!

Day 2 was a simple one that ended back at our campground, just us two. Most of the entire grounds had cleared out since the weekend was over, so we were totally alone in the quiet darkness. He wouldn’t let me tell him ghost stories, haha. The moon and stars were so bright we didn’t need flashlights (but I’m glad I took one to the outhouse with me because there was a giant killer wolf spider that tried to rob me of more than just my dignity)…

Day 3 to be continued…

The Dirty 30

This was a once in a lifetime type of awesome, standard American road-trip that I’ve always dreamed about taking, but never felt I was able to. Too many responsibilities, not having my life put-together enough, never having the time or money or the right people to go with… …until I met Pete. Since he’s been a part of my life I’ve come to understand that there is really nothing holding you back from the things you want to do, except maybe yourself.
So this trip was a chance to honor that chance to live in the moment, and also a chance to appreciate the things a normal relationship might take for granted… Car rides. Planning meals. Who gets the shower first. Birthdays together. (Spoiler alert: Pete is 30 now).

I wanted to give a detailed account of everything we did right when we got back, but there is SO MUCH… and honestly I don’t think it can be condensed into one post. So I’m gonna have to break it up and hopefully I’ll get it all up soon (..finally……eventually).

I picked Pete up from the airport Friday, August 24th, and the next morning we started out bright an early. Car packed ready to go, and Pete knew nothing except the bare details. We’re going on a road trip, and hitting some campgrounds.

I went through months of planning this trip in secret, so Pete wouldn’t know our next destination until we got there. It was the most elaborate and exhausting birthday present I’ve ever put together, and it was so worth it, however I would like to never keep secrets from him again haha. Turns out I never realized how much I look to him for advice for just the little things.

To kick off the trip a handful of friends agreed to beat us to our first location near Valentine, NE to camp and go tubing down the river. I prepared some rubber snakes to be lurking in our tent (which I “forgot” to give Pete a double heart attack, when it was really sent ahead with friends), and a scavenger hunt challenge for the river (which included “something brown” to smash in your face… upon which I produced chocolate cupcakes I’d smuggled onto the river!)

And of course I also brought prizes with me for anyone who got a bingo…

To kill time so our friends could get to the location before us, I took him to Halsey National Forest (trivia: 100% hand planted and the largest forest in Nebraska), for a brunch picnic and instructions to change into his swimming trunks.

“Surprise!”

So we arrive, Pete is promptly assaulted with water balloons and buckets of water, and shenanigans ensued the rest of the day on the Niobrara River (which took us past Smith falls, the tallest waterfall in Nebraska!).

 

That concludes Day 1 friends! Stay tuned for Day 2, when we left for South Dakota…

Belief-O-Matic

I spend a lot of time soul searching. What it means to be human, to be a good person, to get the most out of life, and what our purpose is here. I feel like people are all the same, good and bad, for a million different reasons… and yet we have so much trouble connecting. Politics and religion and “us” verses “them.”

How cool is this though?! A friend of mine showed me this quiz that asks specific, intelligent, unbiased questions… despite the cliché name. I took it 3 times… best 2 out of 3 got me Liberal Quakerism… which I’d never even heard of I don’t think.  (The first time I took it got me Unitarian Universalist, which is actually something I have looked into).

Sorta humbling to read down this list and realize there are so many religions that I really don’t know much about… or have any idea why I would get such a high or low score for them. But think how similar we all must really be…

I totally challenge you to try it out! Google Belief-O-Matic or follow some of the links on this page… maybe you’ll learn something new about yourself.

By the way, if you’re curious… apparently Quakers are a type of Christian group that belief in the ability to find “the light within” or “that of God” in every human being… and Liberal emphasizes rationality, science, and philosophy.

I’m sorta stunned how well it actually does seem to fit how I feel…

If not now, then when?

Feel the need to purge some personal thoughts out.

I don’t have a #metoo story.
I don’t have a #metoo story because it wasn’t “that bad.”
I don’t have a #metoo story because I didn’t, and won’t ever follow legal pursuit.

I don’t have a #metoo story because I don’t know what backlash there would be for putting my story out there, or what risks I would be taking if I ever tarnished his reputation. He said he could make me lose my job, and that he could make me “unhireable” for any other job in town. He said he would tell my friends and family about how crazy I act, and he would convince them all I “needed help.” His family is well known and respected, and my life would be ruined if I “tried to disgrace that name.”

I don’t have a #metoo story because at the end of the day, years later I’m actually still sorta worried about it.

Looking back, I wasn’t alone. My family and friends were always there for me, but in the moment, you can’t see it. You can only process what the bully is throwing at you, and it’s their word against yours.

So what happens next? Nothing? Nothing, I guess. We move on. It goes away.

And that is the point of #metoo (and #whyididntreport)… The ‘thing’ can happen. And life goes on. Life for one person doesn’t change. It can happen, and they don’t even have to think about it or deal with it ever again. Life for the other person becomes literally just dealing with it, for a really long time, because that’s the way things are.

Life & Death

Today a man was put to death by lethal injection, the first in Nebraskan history. I have a lot of mixed feelings.

Once upon a time, Nebraska voted to repeal the death penalty. Gone. Abolished.

In 2016, our Governor, Pete Rickets used personal funds and connections to get it back on the ballot, and more funds to repeal the repeal. The death penalty was reinstated, regardless of the original vote to abolish it.

I spent a lot of time campaigning to retain the original vote. So many people in Nebraska are publicly Pro-Life. If a woman gets pregnant, that potential life that’s sparked is life and life is sacred and life must be protected at all costs. Yet these same people stand idly by when our appointed governor goes around a vote to reinstate literal death. The same people actually voted for death. That doesn’t make sense to me. I want people to be morally consistent. I want people to vote morally consistent.

Anyway, my campaigning didn’t help. I didn’t knock enough doors, make enough phone calls, or have the right conversation with enough people. The death penalty is back, and 11 people are currently on death row in Nebraska. I’ve heard testimony that at least 4 people on that list are innocent, mistakenly accused, wrongly waiting for their execution. That’s…basically…half……… 50% ?

Half of death row could be innocent.

The man put to death today, Carey Dean Moore, admitted guilt to murder. Did he deserve to die? I don’t know. Maybe? It’s complicated. I do think that all life is sacred. I don’t think I personally could end a life, yet part of me feels sorta responsible for this life ending, because my campaign to abolish the death penalty [again] …lost.

Do I feel compassion for him? …it’s more like grief. Everything about this is devastating. He killed someone who had a family. He ended another life that should have been sacred. Someone is mourning the loss of a loved one because of what he did. And yet, he was a person too. At one point, before the worst happened, I’m sure he was a person that had friends, was even loved. I’m positive, because I knew someone like him.

In 2016, I put my heart and soul into abolishing the death penalty in my state. I believed in it. Morally and fiscally. Ask an accountant or someone good with statistics to break down what court costs and tax dollars look like for a state to maintain death row. Life in prison is much more financially efficient than the death penalty (but forget discussing the $ argument now, I already lost that debate).

…After the election dust settled, I found out someone who I called a friend in high school waved their right to a speedy trial, because they would likely be put on death row. I didn’t spend high school in Nebraska, and the crime was committed in another state altogether… that does employ the death penalty.
This person that I called a friend as a teenager became a person that committed a brutal and violent murder. I felt they certainly “deserved” the death penalty…which that I worked so hard to abolish in my own state.

A woman is dead. She had children. There is so much evidence, there’s no question he’s guilty. Just like Carey Dean Moore from Nebraska – does he deserve to die in the name of his crimes? Is it more morally acceptable to spend a life in prison contemplating what he’s done? Could I condemn a person to death so easily?

The man that died in Nebraska today… I didn’t know him. I don’t know anything about his case. I don’t know what he was like as a person. But the person in another state I knew as a friend. When we were teenage kids he hungout with my other friends. My kid sister loved him… she must have been like… 9? He was loved, and trusted. I can only assume the same for Carey Dean Moore.

So I guess my stance on the death penalty hasn’t changed. Tragedy doesn’t improve with more tragedy. And when everything is too devastating to process, choose whatever is cheapest (money is our moral compass, right?), remember that life is sacred, and hope that there’s a God to condemn the souls of the wicked so you don’t have to think about it.

And hopefully you can quit thinking about it.

The handwritten final statement of Carey Dean Moore, executed with fentanyl today in Nebraska. He acknowledges guilt. It’s signed “Carey Dean Moore, ex-Death Row Inmate.” – Ernie Chambers (08/14/18)

Blog Under Construction!

You’ve probably noticed some links either don’t work, missing content, blurry content, or certain posts that seem half finished… that’s because the blog is getting a TOTAL makeover.

…It’s a work in progress.

Thanks for stopping by! The renovations should be done soon.

Mood: ripped off Shutterstock image.

“Self” & Happiness

What does it mean to feel like to feel like “yourself”? A lot has to with physical health, and getting enough vitamins actually! Vitamin D for example… which is a hard commodity for some people, [me], when the sun takes a leave of absence.

This past winter I think I got hit with a particularly draining Seasonal Affective Disorder (S.A.D.) type depression. The colder months always seem to haze by in a fog for me, so I do try really hard to prepare for ways to “feel like myself” until summer gets here when I can magically snap out of it, and yet I never quite seem to be able to stay above the fog when it’s happening.

I was lucky enough to jump-start this summer with a vacation trip to Mexico! I think all the sunlight at once was most replenishing, but I was also there with a group of friends (including my best friend and my boyfriend – rare times when everyone lives so far away) and time spent with loved ones can be healing. Perhaps that “resetting” feeling also has something to do with the aspect of leaving the country for a bit. It’s always nice to get away to really put life back home into perspective.

When I’m battling the bleakness, common things that happen are sleeping & eating too much or too little, grouchiness, feeling like I can’t focus, maybe an increase of anxiety in general, and most of all loss of interest in the things that make me happy.

So just for fun and because I’m excited about it (and it might make a useful tool to have a reference guide for a “bleak” day), here’s a list of things that make me feel most like “myself” when I’m happiest:

• Sunlight!
• Swimming
• The ocean (or any big water, lake, creek…)
• Being barefoot in sand (dirt, grass, mud…)
• Dirty hands in a garden
• Spontaneously meeting up with a friend
• Collecting seashells or stones
• Coffee!
• Vanitas style “Momenti Mori” type artwork
• Mythos from different cultures
• Philosophy about the “human condition”
• Painting!
• Planning (or problem-shooting) local events
• Volunteering for something
• Wondering what animals think about
• Snuggling pets
• Audiobooks in the car

Photo (and sunscreen) courtesy of Black Coffee Photo!

The worst part about an “off” day is slipping into that funk and having to just wait it out, but remembering the things that make you happy and forcing them to the surface if need be might just expedite the process.

Living Is Learning

So far, I’m learning that we live in a world where getting what you want is simple. Not easy, but simple. I could find 10 books right now written by credentialed experts on how to do whatever it is I might want to do with my life. Any goal you can think of is out there (build a pinhole camera, work on a relationship, lose weight, start a business…). Forget books, you could google it and find 1,000 different step-by-step guides on how people are already doing whatever it is that you want to do, right this second. There are free tools, resources, contacts… all of it right at your fingertips, so why don’t we all have exactly what we want out of life?

“Life is about being alive, so why use a word as flimsy as fine?” – Mel Robbins

I’m learning that by automatically saying that you’re fine you don’t have to do anything about fixing what’s flawed in your life. Furthermore, you aren’t just saying, “I’m fine” to the world, you’re saying it to yourself. “I’m not 100% happy with this, but there’s nothing I can do about it so whatever. It’s fine. I’m fine.” That thing that you want out of life? Maybe you’ve convinced yourself that you’re fine just not having it, and something inside of you has given up a little bit.

I’m learning that when I feel stuck in life there are essential needs that aren’t being met. Basic, physiological needs can throw everything off, so it’s really important to meet nutritional goals and take care of my body. Relationships make a big difference to how happy I feel, so it’s important to take care of my friends, family, and partner. It’s really important to take care of intellectual needs. I’ve learned that I’m happiest when I focus on learning something new every day, and challenge what I already know. Most of all though, I’m learning that I’m much happier overall when I embrace a little uncertainty, and push a little a little further each day past my comfort zone. (Turns out, there are tons of scientific and spiritual research that already exists for what I’m feeling, and that’s what my Lifestyle is.)

Basically, I’m setting time aside each day to focus on happiness. Life can be chaotic and stressful. As I write this right now actually my car is in the shop (again). Bills need to be paid. Bad things happen to good people, often people that we love very much. Tragedy is in your neighborhood and on the news. Every. Single. Day…

But I’m learning that day-to-day energy is finite, and I’ve found that by putting too much of my attention to negativity I run out of time and space for happiness. They say it takes more energy to frown than smile? I think the same is true for discouraging thoughts. They are exhausting, and on hard days I often find myself just wanting to go to bed early, feeling depleted of all energy.

I’m learning how to set my intentions to get what I want out of life, instead of letting it pass me by.

Volunteer Spec-Work Done Pro-Bono

Okay, so spec work is taking a job where the client sees the finished product before paying for it. I always thought it was finishing a job for free… but that’s pro bono, where the job is taken without charge (and technically is done for the “public good”).

So spec work is just letting the client see all the progress or finished project… before they pay you… meaning maybe they’ll decide not to pay you, and you’ve already done all the work.

What do you call a project where there may or may not be a client? Maybe the client doesn’t know you’ve been inspired by them, and decided to work on a project independently. Like if you started designing awesome menus for a restaurant that doesn’t have any, or doesn’t have nice ones, and you presented them?

“Surprise! I made menus for you if you want them! …obviously you don’t have to pay me because you never hired me in the first place…”

Or what if you started a project for a client that doesn’t exist? Like creating everything a pastry should would need for it’s business (signage, business cards, a totally mocked up website, etc)?

The point? Just for fun. Just creating for the sake of it. But there has to be a name for that type of thing, doesn’t there?

Let me know your thoughts! I’m very curious about this one.

Creativity, Burnout, and Focus (Part 1)

What is creativity? How do you find it, and how do you get it back if you lose it?

I like to think of creativity as the concept of solving problems in a new, unique way. That’s the moment when you need to be creative right? When there is a problem to solve? Maybe it’s what to draw or paint next, a clever logo idea for a client, getting your boss on board for a new project, or even what to cook for dinner with an unfortunate combination of groceries, how to plan an event, or get a cat off of the roof.

“Creativity is the process of having original ideas that have value.” – Sir Ken Robinson (please look up any of his talks on YouTube)

The value of creativity can be measured by how well the answer we come up with solves the problem (is a client reaching their marketing goals, is everybody happy with the product, is the demographic being reached, etc.), but what happens if you aren’t feeling creative? No inspiration comes? The problem seems unsolvable, and you find yourself in a rut you just can’t get out of.

Creative Block has been a burdensome obstacle for me, and when it happens I feel so hopeless that sometimes I’m tempted to just throw in the towel and forget this entire career path. It feels like I was never meant to follow dreams centered around artwork and design, or that I’m just not a creative enough person to be successful at it. The thing is though, it seems like every creative person I know has experienced feeling burnt out. They not only struggled through it, but actually overcame it with the type accomplished success I dream about. How? Why do we fall into ruts and feel stuck in slumps, and how do we prevent or heal from it?

“Get out of your head. If you’re in your head, you’re behind enemy lines, that is not God talking. If we put a speaker on it and broadcasted everything you say to yourself, we would institutionalize you. You would not hang out with people who talked to you the way you talk to yourself, so get out of your head.” – Mel Robbins

Humans are creatures of habit. The brain likes to make things easier for itself, so adopting patterns is how we are programed to survive most efficiently. However, established, repetitive patterns of thinking are the enemy of creativity. We have two modes: autopilot and emergency break. Autopilot is easy, it’s worked well enough so far, and it’s the routine. It feels safe, and anything outside of that comfort zone? The emergency break gets pulled instinctively. Our brains are designed to protect us from doing the uncomfortable, difficult, and scary. The mind is hardwired to safeguard us from literal death.

However, just being alive isn’t always living. When you feel stuck or dissatisfied in life, it’s a signal that one of your most basic needs isn’t being met. If you’re not getting enough nutrients in your diet, your body won’t feel quite right. If you’re not getting good quality time in with your loved ones, your relationships might suffer. If you aren’t fulfilling a need to explore creatively, you’re gonna feel stuck in a rut. You’re going to need to do things that feel uncertain to get you what you want out of life (or your career, marriage, whatever your goal is).

You know who is always the most creative person in the room? The child. Kids aren’t afraid of being wrong. As adults, we’ve spent our whole lives being trained not to be wrong. We do everything we can to prevent failure, but really “success” is just failing over and over again, and that time spent failing was also spent progressing. To be creative, we must lose our fear of being wrong and be brave enough to fail fabulously.

I wish I could site where these thoughts started brewing from, but they’ve bubbled up from literally hundreds of hours worth of watching TEDx Talks on YouTube.

Where It Starts

Welcome to this strange arbitrary space for me to collect my thoughts! This is my personal blog to explore… Explore adventure, happiness, the human condition, and mainly creativity.

Creativity is the process of having original ideas that have value, but ideas are valueless unless you do something with them. If an idea is worth something to anyone in the world, or even just you, it’s worth exploring… and that’s how we grow.

Any views or opinions are my own, and not necessarily endorsed by colleagues or friends.